Daddy

This is a poem that I wrote in 2001, when I was finally struggling with my feelings over my father's abuse, alcoholism and drug addiction, and ultimate suicide. It was published that same year.

Daddy
The branch my mind stumbles on when I try to move forward
The mental abberation that unknowingly guides my path
The ghost that haunts me from the grave
Daddy
The past
The pain
The rage
The love
He held my little hands and helped me learn to walk
He awoke me at night with the screams of my stepmother
And the sounds of thuds and slaps
He carried me and told me he would die for me
He jaded me with scenes of madness and growing addiction
With his hands and a guitar he made music that brought tears to my
childhood eyes
With his hands and a gun he took his life one cold January night
Forever proving my unworthiness
I love you
I hate you
I miss you

Crystal French